Love & Loss: Processing Grief
Like many subjects, conversations about death, dying, and loss have traditionally been considered taboo. As a result, these topics are often associated with discomfort and sadness. However, given the nature of our work, we are required to regularly address and process loss. Through this experience, we have developed a level of comfort with the subject, which is why we are able to speak about it openly and often.
A question we’re consistently asked is, “How do you deal with so much loss?” And for so long we’ve simply said, “We just do.” It wasn’t until someone recently reached out requesting guidance as they processed the loss of their companion.
We do not take end of life care lightly but having said goodbye to over 30 companions it’s become something that just happens. After being asked for guidance, we really had to think about it. How do we do it? So, for the next few days we sat with it, discussed, and I’m going to do my best to articulate.
Personally, I wasn’t always comfortable with goodbyes. As a child, I struggled with farewells, often crying for days after my grandparents left or when heading off to school. I never imagined I’d be able to leave home, let alone work in a field where loss is so present. Yet, at 18, not only did I move far from home, but I also found myself working as a veterinary technician, thrown into the world of end-of-life care from the very beginning. That first encounter was difficult—I was suddenly faced with the raw reality of loss and had no choice but to process it.
Here are some things we’ve learned over the years:
Thanks to the mentorship of veterinarians and fellow veterinary technicians we learned that the greatest gift we can offer a companion is a soft landing and peaceful end of life. While this is a topic that requires more than just a sentence or two, we err on the side of better a day too early than a day too late.
We’ve come to realize that grief is deeply personal and looks different with every experience. The feelings that arise with one loss may not be the same as those with another, and sometimes, the weight of grief surprises us in unexpected ways.
Grief doesn’t magically go away. It’s always there. But gradually the pain shifts. Eventually, memories bring smiles more often than tears and the only way to get there is time.
We would never suggest stifling emotions. Let it flow! Do we cry? Absolutely. But we’ve learned to compartmentalize our emotions for several reasons:
Animals live in the present. They don’t fear death…yet they are sensitive to our emotions and can sense when we are off. We do our best to keep our sadness and anxiety in check as to not affect them.
We need to carry on with life and a routine of normalcy for the sake of our other animals.
In time, we’ve adopted a pragmatic outlook. While it may sound blunt, no one is getting out alive. So instead, we view our lives as an experience with many seasons. Just as we might feel a pang when a beloved vacation ends or a favorite series concludes, so too do we feel loss when a life chapter closes. It’s a normal emotion. But in the words of Dr Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Instead of dwelling only on sadness, we choose to cherish the beautiful moments and experiences we shared with our companions. We honor their memory by focusing on gratitude for the time we had together.
As David and I reflected, we realized this is only the beginning of a much larger conversation. We look forward to sharing more of our experiences and insights about end-of-life care, and we hope that by speaking openly, we can provide comfort and guidance to others who are navigating similar journeys.